All my life I have been searching. Every stage of my life it was/has been something different I am searching for. Popularity in Junior High. Fun in Elementary. Affection in my young years. I have noticed that once I have matured, or while I'm maturing, what I'm searching for becomes more important. Because of the importance of the things I seek, the harder they are to find.
As a result of these searches, many emotions come into play. There are times of absolute jubilation, enticement, curiosity, wonder, hope, sorrow and even despair. Why would anyone put himself or herself through such a journey when so many obstacles arise and so many emotions that may toy with ones mind are so very contemporary. The prize is worth any kind of torment and pain one might endure when one reaches the end of their personal quest. I say this not from a bystanders point of view, but from someone who has endured more then one can imagine to reach my own personal quest. I say this not out of ignorance, but there is not one person on this world who will ever understand why I do, and how I am me.
Lately in my life I have competed and am still searching for what I seek. Some of these things are wisdom, honesty, understanding, compassion, love, meaning, religion, and what I believe to be most important, myself.
To know thine self is to look into the eyes of God. This is why I believe the search for understanding and acceptance of ones self is rated above all else. Because of this it is the hardest to find, mainly because it's impossible to find something that is forever changing, and is forever becoming outdated. In my life, I believe I have found myself hundreds of times, and as soon as I have found it, it had changed. This is why the search for ones self is never ending.
So why would anyone in his or her right mind search for something that will never be truly found. Is it the search that entices us, or the moment when we find ourselves, even for that moment. One can learn so much from their self when this moment is achieved. Since it is always changing it would no longer be relevant, but when it is found, one realizes a piece of themselves. A realization of what they were searching so tediously for. Aren't we all defined by what we hold dear. What we search for would be considered dear. Therefore what we find is dear to ourselves, defining us a little more. In essence, our search is a never-ending jigsaw puzzle with a piece missing. What we find is a piece of ourselves, which would define ourselves, however it has changed and the search is never ending. Once we search and find the next piece of ourselves the jigsaw puzzle is apiece closer to being finished. Since it cannot be finished, it is a puzzle with a piece missing, no matter how many pieces you add.
While the search to know thine self is never finished but is always in progress, other journeys are taking place. Ones that may have an end. Once these journeys are completed, it is added to the jigsaw puzzle of the journey to know thine self.
So while I rock myself to sleep, I am comforted by the thought that I will still be in search of the next piece of my own personal puzzle. I look forward to coming a little closer to the end of infinity, a little closer to finding a unicorn.
12:00 a.m. - 2001-07-23
Recent entries:
An Athiests Prayer - 2010-11-22
An apple on a tree - 2010-11-07
At work and bored. - 2010-02-08
Faces - 2009-10-17
Time for a rebirth - 2009-10-16
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