Where are you? What are you waiting for? Why aren�t you here when I need you the most? What did I do to make you leave me, even though I�ve never had you? I am a blind soldier fighting for something I have never seen, fighting battles with foes that may not exist. Yet it is the quest that I am on that keeps me alive. I have nothing, I live for nothing. I fight for something that maybe nothing. So what I write here is in essence nothing. The question however, still remains. How can something that is nothing still effect me so? (You guys still following me?) Why do I pain, toil, trouble, bleed, sweat, cry, for what I see as nothing? So many questions, so few answers, so few reasons, so many times I wander without a destination. As I stare into the flame, I realize that I must let it be. Untouched, unspoiled, unsuspecting, unwritten, unanswered. Even though this pains me to degrees unknown, a force inside me stills my hand, and stills my mind. All I can do is raise my cup, cheers the beings that may not exist, sit back and wait for the next time this monster touches me. Until again I am forced to explain my troubles. Until again the monster rests peacefully, regaining itself to strike back at every essence which is me.
It is no longer pretty, just a horrible disfigurement of what was, what was meant to be. But it never stays like it is, it must fulfill its purpose of being, the reason it exists. It doesn�t know why, I even question the rationality of it, yet in the end, it just has to be this way. It is now complete.
4:14 p.m. - 2002-01-19
Recent entries:
An Athiests Prayer - 2010-11-22
An apple on a tree - 2010-11-07
At work and bored. - 2010-02-08
Faces - 2009-10-17
Time for a rebirth - 2009-10-16
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