*sip*
It�s late, and I have to be up soon�but the urge to write is so strong, it hasn�t been this strong in a long time. Maybe it�s because I haven�t been down in a long long time, but tonight I feel lost.
*sip*
The lights are dimmed, my scotch sits beside me as a warm comforting friend would, and the music fills me with my passions. There is something reassuring about this ritual. It is this that seems to drive this machine of mine. Funny that beauty breaks forth from a meltdown. Ironic that it�s freezing outside.
*sip*
The path is laid before me, so straight and unfaltering. Wise in its simplicity and elegance, esthetic and symmetrical, beautiful, desirable. It calls to me as a siren would towards the jagged cliffs, yet there is no danger here, or desire for my fall. The devil doesn�t exist here, it is too beautiful of a place for him to attempt an appearance for he would be spotted in an instant and cast down into a burning furry from whence he came.
*sip*
I could die happily on this path or walk it eternally. There is no wrongness here, only a wish of thousands men past hopelessly lost by most and survived by the few. I know I am lucky, and throw my arms up daily praising the forces that made this be and condemning them in the same moment for choosing such an unworthy being to have even the opportunity to lay my eyes on its existence, or even the mere idea of possibly being able to take a step onto it.
*sip* (pause) *change song* *sip*
Never condemn me for being unwise or ungrateful for I took a step on the path laid before me, and yes, it is just as magical and incommunicable as one would expect. The ground below me is soft, the view stops my heart, the air breathed on this path leaves me breathless but fulfilled by air, there are no curves, every line is perfectly straight and guiding, it is perfect in every way.
*sip*
So much to take in, so much to devour by my senses, and God I have been devouring it all. So much so that I try to breathe it in so it shall always remain a part of me. I take my time, move like honey to make it last as long as possible and create millions of moments out of one.
*sip*
Fuck how I despise myself and my ignorance, my arrogance, my incompatibility to deal with the larger picture! So consumed, so destroyed by the beauty and perfection, so blinded by it all, he appeared. What a fool I am for believing that he would not dare show himself here on my road. FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!!!!!!!!! LKASJDOIAWUFBOIUO!!I{OBUIO!!!!!!!!!!!
*sip* *sigh*
I even destroyed him once before on my path, I noticed him and cast him back to the shadows. I thought I destroyed him, I thought I was beyond this, color and word and curse immaterial and without substance, you come again for me on my path and for my happiness. Just this time I was not expecting you.
*sip*
*sip*
Will you be the sword by my side? Or the dagger in my back? I already know the answer to this question and even though my question may be a rhetorical one, the devil needs its explanation. Or is this the reason for my faltered step? Do not let this moment of personal uncertainty wage war against thy self, or create a devil of your own.
*sip�*
This is but a cure for my step sideways and poorly developed eye, not a cause.
*sip*
�Love ridden I will look at you��..and baby I wished for you�.nobody sees when you are lying in your bed, and I want to crawl in with you but I cry instead�.so I can�t tonight baby�..and in a little while I�m going to have to wait�the path is clear to follow through�I stood to long in the way of the door�I will never give up�..if I need you I will just use your simple name�in a little while we won�t have to wait�.�
*sip*
1:15 a.m. - 2007-01-11
Recent entries:
An Athiests Prayer - 2010-11-22
An apple on a tree - 2010-11-07
At work and bored. - 2010-02-08
Faces - 2009-10-17
Time for a rebirth - 2009-10-16
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