Hey readers. So about the no entries for a while, it's just I haven't had the mental energy lately. All my thoughts seem to dwell on the past. A past relationship actually. A past relationship where I screwed up. (Yes readers, I am human and i do make mistakes, I'm not perfect, as I know most of you think) It's been a while as well. A year or so actually, and yet I still dwell in my mistakes. Why? I don't know, maybe I regret hurting this person so much that I'm hurting. Now, what's this I'm feeling? Am I hungry? No I'm not hungry, maybe I'm feeling sleepy. No, not sleepy. What is this? Is this Love I feel? How can you tell what something is when you've never experienced it before? If I was brought up always full, always eating, and one day I didn't eat and felt hunger, would I know what that was? Maybe, maybe not, but I have no idea what I'm feeling and it's bothering me. Do I love this person whom I hurt? Is this regret, anger, remorse, pain, or love that I feel? So many questions so little answers. My brain hurts from over thinking, and my heart hurts because of lack of caring. Is this possible? I guess anything is. What should I do, what can I do? Help me people, send advice, thoughts, anything that may stop this constant nagging in my mind. Should I call? Should I leave it be? Is it true if you love something let it go, and if it returns it was meant to be? Or is it more like Go after the things you love, never let go, and for the love of God keep it safe from harm. Man I messed up. I'm looking at an older pic of her, and thoughts enter my mind, sadness enters my heart. Will this be the last time I see her face, on the monitor of a computer, or will there be better days ahead? Better days with the both of us or days alone, without her? I hope we meet again, I hope I have the chance to tell her I'm truly sorry and maybe how I feel (if this is how I feel) Maybe a chance to hold her agian, to kiss her, to feel her cheek against mine. I look forward to this uncertainty, just because it's better then the alternative. The not knowing and the not caring. What a way I have lived. Maybe it's time to start caring, to open up my heart and let someone love me. It'll be new and scary, but it's better then what I'm doing now...I think. Anyways... Chelsea Astbury, I am sorry, and this is the only certainty I can give myself....
4:50 p.m. - 2001-05-06
Recent entries:
An Athiests Prayer - 2010-11-22
An apple on a tree - 2010-11-07
At work and bored. - 2010-02-08
Faces - 2009-10-17
Time for a rebirth - 2009-10-16
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