As a sit here, waiting for my fingers to type the words i feel, I am comforted by the southing sounds of my music. I await the words which i fear so much, for no matter what i write, i will be fueling the troubles of my situation. I find myself asking questions for which the answers are unknown, no matter what anybody says. I believe i have found purpose for the word nothing. Nothing I do will benifit me at the moment and for that I am saddend.
In past times i struggled with thoughts of popularity, attractivness, and now i struggle with morrals and ideals. What am i to do? I have the opportunity to maybe find someone who understands me, even though it may not be true. I ask myself is this a chance i am willing to take? I may fall head-first into beauty, or I may be following a dream that does not exist, at the moment. The plot however thickens my friends. This choice may decide the future of a friendship for which i hold dear. I look at the past and see what it has tought me. I look at the past for guidence and direction to the road i wish to take, but at the moment it is dark. Night has set and i do not know which road is smoother. (If you haven't noticed i have been talking in code to keep the people of this situation in the shadows. I do not wish to harm, but protect) Should i take advice from another and lay back, or if i do will i miss an opportunity to have what i so richly deserve? I look back at missed opportunity's and shake my head at myself. Do i want another reason to do this? I don't know. Maybe it would be for the better. Maybe true friendship would understand my situation, or maybe i'm trying to justify this to myself so I may continue with what I want. And I do want it. With this friend a similar situation arose but the rolls were reversed. I stood back because i realized this girl had no feelings for me, in that way. Would he be just as big a man as myself in that situation? I dare to test it, And i dare not to.
I believe this is where honesty comes to play. A trait which i value highly. As an honest person i feel obligated to say something, but for now i will wait for tommorow and see what transpires. I need my sleep and maybe sleep is what will clear my mind to see through eyes un-clouded. Goodnight, goodnight.....
3:26 a.m. - 2001-08-11
Recent entries:
An Athiests Prayer - 2010-11-22
An apple on a tree - 2010-11-07
At work and bored. - 2010-02-08
Faces - 2009-10-17
Time for a rebirth - 2009-10-16
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