Late again, I'm tired, but my mind is on overdrive. Happening often lately. Thoughts i never thought I'd think of before a presnting itself to me. The worlds cruel, but people are generally good. (Not saing it's true, just what i kinda believe at the moment.) Been out with some new friends. It's nice for someone you don't know to tell you they think your cool, and really enjoy your company. Reinforces what i believe in my self. Well, I'm hurting. I was kinda beating around the bush to get to this point but I'm hurting. Why? If I knew i'd fix it, or maybe it's something that cannot be fixed. What a depressing thought. Not being able to fix something thats effecting yourself. It may not be a nail in my foot that i could yank out, may not be someone kicking me, maybe it's cancer, something I can't stop or fix. (being figurative if you haven't guessed. So no I don't have cancer, well not that I know of) What do I do to get myself to whom I used to be? Kinda ironic. When I was younger, i wished i was different, now that i'm older i wish i was the same...Journey I go, into the black whoe which is my mind. Thoughts go in and are trapped, nothing seems to escape it's pull. Wish it did, it would be easier to forget that way. Maybe thats why i'm "bummed". My memories are killing me. Things past still hurt when they should be long since fadded. Why can others forget the past so easily, and i seem to dwell? I've had enough of this hurt, and my own mistakes. Wish I could go blank slate, wipe everything clean, start from square 1 and do everything different. Scary thought though. If i did everything differently i'd be a different person. I could be a 100 times better, or a 10000 times worse of a person. Like playing russin roulette with the mind, never know which one will kill ya. And it's killing me slowly. Fuck, I thought I'd die with a blaze of bullets or saving a little girl from a fire, but it seems that my mind is slowly inserting thoughts which one day may lead to my demise. Not thinking bout suicide, no way. Just saying my mind is powerful, and i don't know how to use it...anyways, need sleep, peace..
12:03 a.m. - 2001-05-12
Recent entries:
An Athiests Prayer - 2010-11-22
An apple on a tree - 2010-11-07
At work and bored. - 2010-02-08
Faces - 2009-10-17
Time for a rebirth - 2009-10-16
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