I went for a drive last night, round 1 in the morning. Made my way out of the city, out of the reach of street lights and the sounds of sirens and cars revving their engines to the Gods of the night. Radiohead kept me company on my journey, and for the first time in a long time, I felt good being alone. I�ve always enjoyed my drives, but this one was special, because the company I kept (my own) was one I enjoyed. It has been a long time since I felt comfortable in my own skin, without desire to rip out from my flesh and shed the skin of my body, and motor of my mind to become nothing, vacant, void of it all.
Emily has always made me feel comfortable, even though she tries to push me sometimes to get a reaction out of me, I�m comfortable with that. Where others tried to get a reaction out of me for their own benefit, she does it for my own. Other then those rare instances, I feel myself, who I want to be, and who I�ve always strived to be; she also makes me want to be more, to make myself a better man. This has never been a problem.
But alone, I�ve struggled. I�m antisocial, too skinny, makes promises I know I won�t keep, shows only basic emotions, puts on masks, awkward, un-attractive, cocky, not something wished to be. Last night, I became comfortable with my inadequacies, and made a mental choice to change that which I desire to change. I don�t know how or why, maybe it was the sound of the engine, or the scenery whipping past me, or the sweet lyrics and sounds of radiohead, or maybe even an encounter with God. Whatever the case may be, yesterday was a wonderful night.
Even though I felt awkward at the start of it all *he approved*, in the end I became comfortable being in my own skin.
12:25 p.m. - 2007-01-24
Recent entries:
An Athiests Prayer - 2010-11-22
An apple on a tree - 2010-11-07
At work and bored. - 2010-02-08
Faces - 2009-10-17
Time for a rebirth - 2009-10-16
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