Been an interesting week that's for sure. Spent some time with J, was nice to see her after all these years, and we had been talking quite often for the last few months. It�s so much different being near someone in the flesh rather than through a computer screen. We danced, we talked, we enjoyed each other�s company fully. She then tells me that she is very interested in me last night through the computer screen. Although I think she�s someone I�d like to get to know further, I am hesitant to say anything as she is leaving shortly for another year abroad. Her plan was to be abroad for good, but then asks me �what if I came back next year and settled in Edmonton?�. I can�t answer that. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, yet alone a year. I�m also seeing someone currently, just dating, just getting to know each other. I told J about M, and she understood. But in the same breath I said that the future brings what the future brings. Nothing is written, I get that. J comes back for 2 more nights this weekend for a wedding, I�ll try to talk to her more about it then, even though she said she�s going to retreat because she�s embarrassed. I told her no one should be embarrassed for telling someone else their feelings.
M is going well, I do like her and have been enjoying our time getting to know each other. I�m looking forward to seeing her at Sham and being near her in that environment. Even though I have been seeing her often, something magical happens when you share a festival experience. I do worry about her age, I can�t help it. I�ve dated someone younger and that experience is one I�d like to avoid again if I can. But, she is not S, so I shouldn�t fear that which isn�t actual. Possible, maybe. But not actual. I told my friends I was going to retreat and leave it be, and the response was a unanimous �What the fuck are you doing?�. So I will continue and see where it goes.
I�m starting to get nervous and anxious for Sham now. As it draws nearer the idea of me being on stage, by myself, for 2 minutes, in front of a crowd of thousands, makes my stomach drop. Last night I was discussing this with Simma, and we both were constantly flooded with emotions. I have no idea what will come, but I know it will be intense.
Had my 3 month evaluation at work. Was stellar. 4�s and 5�s across the board. Not a single 3. My raise was more than what was negotiated when I started. I love this job and am focused to it.
9:10 a.m. - 2014-07-30
Recent entries:
anymore - 2014-09-28
Cozy - 2014-09-10
Even your emotions had an echo - 2014-08-29
Shambhala 2014 - 2014-08-14
Just an update - 2014-07-30
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